{ letting go }

I never expected that the past 8 weeks of maternity leave would teach me so much, but it all came together for me at a little 4yo’s birthday party at Chuck E Cheese…of all places!

If you haven’t been, you can count yourselves as one of the few (and maybe blessed) people to have never entered this childhood ‘paradise’. But Chuck E Cheese, even in all of its glory, can be slightly overwhelming, especially to the 3yo rookie. It is a virtual celebration of visual stimulation – the lights, the bells, the noises, the kids…and yes, the parents. Each adult trying to keep a visual reign on their kid ‘at all times’ is absolutely hysterical at times! You Chuck E veterans know what I'm talking about!

So when my Emma arrived at the party, I don’t think she really knew what to do with herself. After all, she had never experienced mayhem before. I could barely get her off of my leg. Even when she recognized her friends, it took much encouragement, prodding, hand-holding and bribery to get her to even sit at the table and eat! I began to feel anxious for her – I wanted her to have fun, but I knew I wouldn’t get her to let go if I didn’t make the adventure seem worthwhile. So I stayed with her. I kept telling her it would be OK; I kept telling her I didn’t want her to miss the fun; I even ate a piece of grody pizza to prove that she could do it - she could have fun. THEN…that life-sized darn mouse arrived, dancing around and acting well, pretty creepy...:) But, despite the mental 5-steps back damage that stinkin' rodent caused...once again, I encouraged. Eventually, she began to let herself go and not worry so much. Soon she was dancing up on the stage like a little super-freak with her friends. She opened up; she had fun; she played more and worried less.

That’s what I’ve learned in these 8 weeks – play more, worry less! Now, I’m not trying to use my blog to sound all preachy, but when you discover something and you feel led to share…you had better share it or as my aunt would say…”You just may be robbing someone of the blessing.” In this case, my sharing blesses me too as much as it may bless whoever reads my rantings...that’s why I’ve been sharing more.

There is a lot I could worry about this year. A baby who will be starting day care in 4 days…an almost 4yo who will start kindergarten before I know it…electrical and plumbing issues at home…hospital bills to be paid…and my business. AAAAHHHHH…the business. Beginning April 1 I will be going part-time at my ‘regular job’ in Dallas which will hopefully allow more options for me and my new venture. This is a huge step for me. I’m trying to learn how to market my fledgling business, I'm praying for business people and photography mentors who I can ask questions of, AND I'm trying to make sure I balance home and hobby. I’m praying a lot, crying a little (OK, maybe a lot) and trying my darndest to trust the Lord that I can help support my family with this talent because God cares about me and calls me His “Beloved”. I’m not sure how all of that will happen; I’m not sure of the exact game plan and sometimes I admit I feel unworthy...stepping out on faith when there are bills to pay is definitely not an easy thing for me to say or do. My dad recently told me, “If He gives you the talent He will give you the opportunity.” So at the moment I’m looking around like a hawk on the prowl for those opportunities…but most of all, I’m learning to let go.

Everyone starts off nervous and anxious, but after a bit, you settle in and enjoy the ride. Emma was scared in the beginning, just like I am at this moment, but by the end of the party she took hold of the reigns and yelled “Woo Hoooo”! Press Play :)